The Ancient Art of Losh-Fu

[rose-colored-coolaid]

This post is intended to teach readers about the forum martial art form known as Losh-Fu. This ancient and disreputable (un)intellectual fighting technique is a powerful tool in anybody's arsenal, and it takes training, patience, and finesse to defeat.

Losh-Fu focuses on three realms of Chi (pronounced Ki).

1) Choose your battles. In every battle, there will be times that your foe will bring up a valid, well-stated, on-topic, and damaging (to your "argument") point. Rather than combat these attacks straight on, a trained agent of Losh-Fu will ignore the damaging knowledge by pretending it doesn't exist. It is essential a master practitioner of Losh-Fu not attempt to engage such arguments as the resulting cognitive dissonance may reduce his/her ability to counter attack.

2) Redirect your opponent. The master must persuade the opponent to not bring up their really good arguments again. The best strategy to employ is by taking an axiom or generally accepted turn of speech and intentionally misunderstanding it. This tactic will place the master's opponent off balance as they try to grasp how anyone could not know how to use a dictionary or spell the word "their" consistently as "thier".

3) Press the counter-attack. This most vital and difficult third Chi is what makes the form of Losh-Fu so deadly. A properly chosen counter-attack must have no actual bearing on the topic at hand. This will force the opponent to regroup. Advanced users of Losh-Fu will be wise to chose attacks that also feel vaguely racist or appear to insult large swaths of the population. The master can then use his/her opponent's indignation against them in a repeat of steps one and two.


Pass this knowledge on with great care, as it is quite dangerous.

[Charles Dean]

Thank you Sensei.

[deejayoh]

oh man. That had me laughing pretty hard.

I've been thinking for a long time we need to have a Faux-Losh writing contest. Kind of like the Faux-Faulkner contests, but even more pointless