I got Suzanned
Posted by Wreckingbull on the blog:
We need a local real estate "professional" with high visibility. One who continually insists that the "bubble people" should stop whining and "get some appreciation."
Hmm. I just can't think of anyone.
That 'I got Suzanned' bit cracks me up. Now who could we come up with around here that would be a good candidate to have their name verbified in a similar manner?wreckingbull wrote:I think we need more posts like the 'I got Suzanned' piece over at HousingPanic, but with a local angle.
We need a local real estate "professional" with high visibility. One who continually insists that the "bubble people" should stop whining and "get some appreciation."
Hmm. I just can't think of anyone.
Comments
Sorry, Seattle Suzanne has already announced that we were all priced out forever at the end of March...
Needless to say, she was not happy with my reply, especially since I was calling her to take care of a serious plumbing issue. It was priceless.
I guess the reason I thought that Slate article was so hilarious is that I see these beat-down men getting dragged around to open houses all the time. I want to pull them aside, crack a tallboy Budweiser with them, and have a little Bubble 101 heart-to-heart. Don't get me wrong, I have dealt with pressure from the better half myself. I guess it boiled down to me asking "Is it really worth financial suicide to be able to paint your own walls" Luckily, she is a reasonable human being, and we found compromise.
Me neither. Oh wait!
A picture is coming to me . . . yes, mm-hmm, getting an outline, still blurry, some features becoming evident . . . waiting . . . still fuzzy, um . . . well, I can't make out who it is, as the picture just won't come into focus.
Oh well . . .
"I think what's happened is a lot of expenses have gone up, everything from postage to gas, which affect real estate agents' profits."
According to the 60 Minutes story she's also quite the saleperson:
When the house is ready, she then targets potential buyers as well as agents, and holds an open house to dazzle them.
Help! I can't stop myself from taking out a liar loan because I was DeborArended at that open house!
Why spend the nicest weekends of the year getting dragged around to crap-hole after, er, "investment" by Suzanne, when you could be out having a cold one and making jokes about real-estate clerks and watching the ball game?
It would be great to get even 25 people to show up. I'd drop by just to cheer on the newly temporarily priced-out-forever masses. And of course to mercilessly mock our local RE chearleaders around a pitcher of Hale's pale ale.
Oh, we could even hold the first event in BALLARD!
Also, in response to the 6% commission on an already inflating asset not being "enough", maybe someone should tell the real-estate-clerk that it's freaking 2007, and there are better uses of fuel than driving a Suzanne-mobile around from house to house, boiling off gallons of 92 octane in the Beemer. Ya think? By that token, Redfin is "green" house-hunting.
Amen to your comments! I've seen (on Redfin) several of the properties she is trying to sell. They are notoriously crummier houses that are WAY over priced for what they are. Desirable neighborhoods, but not priced to move. I feel sorry for her clients....they probably have the prices jacked up so much so they can recover a profit after paying her 6%. In this market, the average days on market for her listings is appalling.
"Fine. We can get the house."
"We can?"
"Sure. But you know we are going to have to make some sacrifices."
"That's okay."
"We are going to have to stop eating out and shopping at Whole Foods."
"But they have the best organic produce."
"No more organic produce. It isn't in our budget."
"I guess I can live with that."
"And no more vacations. The mortgage is going to eat up every last cent of extra income."
"What about our timeshare in Tahoe?"
"We are going to have to sell it. We won't be able to afford the maintenance fees. You also won't be able to go to your sister's wedding in Hawaii next March."
"But that's my sister!"
"We won't be able to afford it. Sorry. You aren't going to be able to visit your mother back east twice a year."
"oh..."
"We should also probably sell one of our cars. That should save us around a thousand dollars a year in insurance premiums -- not to mention the extra maintenance."
"But how will we managed with both of us going to work and picking up the kids at the daycare?"
"We'll just have to make it work. We can do this, remember? We'll also have to quit contributing 10% to our 401k's. We probably shouldn't set it to zero it we want to retire, but buying this house means we will be working an extra ten to fifteen years."
"But at least we will own our own home by that time."
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Let me think about it."
Call me a cynic (like that has ever happened...), but I see this scenario playing out thusly:
Hubby caves in because he hasn't played 'sink the sub' with shrew/wife since the second trimester. That would be 16 months ago. He is expecting an evening of bed sprints, but that cobra he married is perpetually tired due to the 3yo and 1yo. No boom-boom tonight.
Icy wife is looking to nest, but knows that marshmallow hubby can't afford it down at the cube farm, so she is looking at the guy in the corner office.
Hubby is working 80 hour weeks trying to get promoted so he can make the payment once the 3/27 adjusts. By that time, the firstborn is ready for those good schools the Tasmanian Devil of a wife wanted so badly. The irony is she doesn't want junior in any public school so that's another $1500 post-tax out the door for Montessori. She can't drive the 1993 Ford Taurus to school because all the other moms in the 'hood are drivng Lexus SUVs, so that becomes the next 'conversation' they have.
Bills are stacking up, and hubby's parents are sending money to keep them from defaulting and moving in with them. Captain Creampuff is about to succumb to Karoshi, and the wife (who probably has $150K in student loans for a JD that is going unused) is making the sheets sing with the VP of marketing that she meets at the health club.
A year (and two refis) later, our suburban warrior is now the proud father of another child that has the same name as his boss (at the behest of the mother). His mother-in-law is moving into the home office, and he now has a dark, damp corner of the basement to work when not changing diapers, shuttling kids to and from ballet class, or contemplating suicide.
The wife is looking hot, in an icy sort of way, but he hasn't done the horizontal mombo in some time. She gets her hair done, and buys a mid-thigh LBD, and seems to be a big hit at office parties. His kids all call his boss by his first name, and think he is "funny."
On his next business trip, one of his colleagues tells him that he and his girlfriend joined the "mile-high" club. Hubby wonders if he will ever join the "2009" club.
After the 4th refi, his wife files for divorce and leaves him with the house and debt. He now can't afford the house and has to pay maintenance and child support for 3 kids. He gets DNA tests on the three kids only to find out that there are 3 different fathers, but state law says that he still pays for all three kids.
Ice Queen is now the wife of the VP of marketing, living in an even better suburb, and eventually has a lesbian affair with some RE agent she met when her kids were young. VP of marketing is banging his secretary, and the original hubby is living in a flophouse.
It's your classic American story.
I mean, seriously... "cobra," "ice wife," "shrew," "ice queen," "boom-boom", "sink the sub," "bed sprints,"... and lesbians??? This sounds like a soft porn fantasy, not a real estate bubble post.
Um...yeah, it was a bit creepy. I mean, the commercial was creepy in a The Fan sort of way, but Eleua's post was creepy in a Glenn Quagmire kind of way.
First, we need a little levity around here.
Second, if anyone has seen "Mrs. Doubtfire," you know where most of the references came from. There is a scene where Mrs. Doubtfire (Robin Williams) and the new boyfriend (Pierce Brosnan) are discussing sex with the X-Wife (Sally Field). It is too funny for words.
The "Suzanne" commercial is creepier than just about anything I have seen in some time. The little look that the wife gives her pathetic husband at the half-way point (15 sec remaining) is just too creepy. She does look like a snake that is about to strike.
I try to keep my humor (or bad attempts at humor) at the PG/PG-13 level. If that makes me a maladjusted freak, then you need to get out more. I wasn't aware that Seattle was so sterile. I was always under the impression that we are distinctly avant-garde.
I have never seen the "Family Guy," so I really don't get the reference. If you have ever seen any of the old "Cheers" episodes, you might have run across the characters Sam Malone (Ted Danson) and Dave Richards (Fred Dryer). It was those characters I was attempting to inject into the discussion.
Apparently it was appropriate. The character Diane Chambers (Shelly Long) was an obnoxious little priss that couldn't tolerate the Sam & Dave characters. She was above it all, and found their suspended adolescence to be beneath her dignity.
I wonder if anyone on the forum looks in the mirror and sees Diane?
Keep those posts coming. Who cares if a first time poster whines about them. Myself...I wish you would post more often.
Sure, those stereotypes are as worn out as NAR talking points, but they're always good for one more go-round. Especially since the "Suzanne" commercial is steeped in them.